I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
