I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
