she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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