Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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