My hand turned me down
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Randomize
