I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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