i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
