There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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