Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
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