he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
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