Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
You ruined the universe
Randomize
