just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
