her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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