and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
