Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Randomize
