people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Randomize
