I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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