Yo dont text me then not text me
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
This is the prime rib incident all over again
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Randomize
