Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
My pussy is not your playground.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Randomize
