Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
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