Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
