i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
