when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
