The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Text me some of your sweat
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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