Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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