Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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