There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
