he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
