Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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