a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
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