if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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