I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
