Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Randomize
