There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
