I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
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