i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
