Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
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