All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
