Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
