A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Is Oprah even human
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
He shit in the fireplace
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
