remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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