the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
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