South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
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