Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
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he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
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Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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