I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Randomize
