Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
