i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
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