id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
I wish there were birth control emojis
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
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