She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
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