What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Randomize
