I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
