if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Randomize
