I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
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the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
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At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
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