I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
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It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
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Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
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