C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
he puts the penis in happiness.
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Randomize
