Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize