We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
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$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
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I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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