I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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