Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
We just shotgunned beers for America
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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