Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
