i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
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