Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
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