i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
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