she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
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