I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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