my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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