I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
