so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
