so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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