I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize