I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
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